Facebook Announcement Underwhelms, Bores Users to Tears, Complaints and Utter Misery

In the '80s, Nytol was known as the medication that could “help you get your Z's.” This afternoon, Mark Zuckerberg continued Nytol's work, single-handedly putting viewers to sleep while earning dozens of user comments filled with nothing more than Z's. While today was supposed to introduce something awesome – something that was filled with trading ideas – the Microsoft MSFT Skype integration rumor (which Benzinga predicted before today's announcement) proved to be right on the money, leaving little to look forward to and even less to get excited about. For the average user, today's announcement means that they can now get the best of both worlds (Skype and Facebook). Users can Skype chat (almost) instantly with their Facebook friends. It's not a revolutionary development, but it seems like it will make the whole experience a lot more convenient. If Zuckerberg had started and concluded his presentation with that announcement, the event would have gone on without a hitch. Instead, he began his speech with a series of numbers, a tally of techno mumbo jumbo, and a bunch of incoherent statistics that do not mean anything to anyone (least of all the average viewer). Zuckerberg paced back and forth. He said “um” a few hundred times. He made us wait several minutes (some would argue an eternity) to learn the details of a feature that had already been leaked. In doing so, Zuckerberg earned enough negative user comments to justify the creation of a “Dislike” button. “Why did I get an invite to this?” one user remarked. “*sigh* just say it already, we don't care about this filler stuff,” said another. “Get to the point!” was the most common user comment, followed by “Zzzzzzzz.” Some users took issue with the quality of the streaming presentation. “They are announcing the failure of their live streaming service,” one user wrote, adding an “LOL” at the end. By the time Zuckerberg finally got around to announcing the obvious, most viewers were too bored to care. No matter what they thought of the Skype integration, it was clear that they were completely underwhelmed by the way it was announced. The “I Don't Care” Button Facebook may be against the idea of a “Dislike” button, but that didn't stop Zuckerberg from showing off his “I Don't Care” persona. Too bland to be stoic, too artificially happy to be glum, Zuckerberg was completely devoid of enthusiasm. He spoke about Facebook's achievements with the excitement of a turtle attempting to cross the street – we knew he'd get to where he was going (eventually), we just didn't know when. But at least we know the turtle wants to cross the street. He wants to make progress. Zuckerberg's presentation did not convince me that he wanted to do the same. Rather, it made me wonder if today was simply a blip in what would have been a traditional day for him. His performance, even his body language, screamed, “I don't care!” “I don't care about this announcement.” “I don't care about these statistics.” “And I sure don't care about those of you watching at home.” If Zuckerberg could package that and put it into a Facebook button, he might be onto something brilliant. So Long, FaceTime Earlier today I proclaimed that a Skype-related Facebook announcement would be a much-needed win for Microsoft. So let's hear it for the Windows maker! After years of failed products, failed software, and lackluster acquisitions, the company has finally done something right. However, it's important to remember that Microsoft and Apple's AAPL successes are inversely related. When Apple goes up, Microsoft goes down, and vice versa. Since every Windows PC will soon come with Skype, since most Mac owners already use Skype, and since Facebook has chosen Skype as its video platform, Apple might as well kiss FaceTime goodbye. Of course, depending on what you believe, this may not be a good thing. Follow me @LouisBedigian