As Netflix Plummets, Investors Say Their Final Goodbyes

Breaking up is hard to do. But Netflix has made it really easy for investors to walk away. Dear Netflix NFLX, I know it has been a while since we've talked, but I wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you. I miss our time together, particularly the days when we were pen pals. You know – back when I used to send you a check once a month and you sent me a new movie every week. Those were magical times. Your catalogue of quality films was unprecedented. You found a way to make Blockbuster look less appealing than it already was. I'll never forget that. You prevented me from wasting money on Scary Movie, and I won't forget that either. But lately things haven't been the same. I know we've been estranged, but before that, things felt…strange. You were becoming so distant. You said I wasn't providing enough financial support and that you have made nothing but sacrifices to make this relationship work. But I am the one who made sacrifices! I am the one who kept my feelings inside when you were late for movie night. I am the one who signed out of Hulu Plus and left Comcast CMCSA Xfinity. And then you go and abort Starz LSTZA behind my back. How could you do that to me? Back in the day, we used to have threesomes all the time. We shared streams without a care in the world. Yeah, we were in school, and they say that everyone experiments in college. But it was more than an experiment. Now you've cut me off from that as well. Well, let me tell you something – I have needs! My friends have needs! And if we want to get down and dirty with multiple streams, we will. If that means we can no longer be together, then so be it. I know this may sound harsh. I don't mean to be – I know you are ill. Consumers aren't the only ones abandoning your service; as it turns out, investors are as well. But that's got nothing to do with us. What we had was special. I still think about all those night we fell asleep together. But it's over now. It's time for me to go. Goodbye, Netflix. Sincerely, @LouisBedigian