In a deviation from his usual financial advice, Dave Ramsey, host of “The Dave Ramsey Show,” offered counsel on a highly sensitive marital issue. The show, known for helping callers with financial queries, recently featured a call from a distressed woman facing a unique marital dilemma.
Kathy from Florida reached out to Ramsey seeking financial advice amid her marital troubles. As the conversation unfolded, it became evident that her situation required more than just financial guidance. The issue at hand? Kathy’s husband had been having “sleepovers” with an ex-girlfriend from the past whom he recently reconnected with, a revelation that understandably raised concerns.
In a clip posted on TikTok in December, Kathy said, “He reconnected with her. I don’t know if he’s going through a midlife crisis. I don’t know what’s going on.” The original incident had been posted on “The Ramsey Show Highlights" YouTube channel.
“Normal people that are married do not have sleepovers with the opposite sex ever in any circumstances that they are not married to. That’s just not acceptable social behavior," Ramsey said. "And the fact that he would try to play it off on that says that he has a level of B.S. in his life that is unbelievable.”
Ramsey’s response was both direct and empathetic. “I’m trying to be kind because you’re hurting, but you have to be going, ‘This is nuts.' So, you need somebody outside to say, this is nuts. This is nuts. I just said it, OK?” he said.
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Kathy had tried to get her husband into marriage counseling, which he declined. Ramsey recommended seeing a therapist and a divorce attorney. “It’s ugly … it’s uglier to stay in an untenable situation.”
He also noted the urgency of preparing for a possible divorce. “If this is the track he decides to go on and if it ends your marriage, he’s gonna want out quickly and if I were negotiating on your side I would make that cost him.”
Ramsey also highlighted the broader issue of reconnecting with past relationships through social media, stating, “I brought up Facebook because there’s this ridiculous statistic that something like 20% to 30% of divorces have a Facebook contact to an old flame involved. It’s a tremendous problem out there, people looking up the old flame.”
He's right. Research indicates that social media use can have a significant impact on relationships and divorce. Studies have shown that higher levels of social media use can lead to more marital problems, infidelity, conflicts, jealousy and eventually divorce. For example, a study published in Computers in Human Behavior found a link between social media use and decreased marriage quality. It showed that a 20% annual increase in Facebook enrollment was associated with a 2.18% to 4.32% increase in divorce rates. The study also suggests that people who do not use social media are 11% happier in their marriages than those who regularly use social media.
Social media provides easy access for spouses to reconnect with past relationships, potentially leading to infidelity. One in three divorces now start as online affairs, and a significant portion of Tinder users — about 30% — are married. Websites like AshleyMadison.com cater specifically to married people seeking affairs, receiving over 130 million visits monthly.
Ramsey also delved into the financial implications of divorce, acknowledging the harsh realities of asset division and legal proceedings. Ramsey suggested that if the marriage ends, Kathy should negotiate firmly to ensure a fair settlement.
Throughout the call, Ramsey remained supportive of Kathy, validating her feelings and concerns. He advised her to set ultimatums for the sake of her sanity, insisting that without clear boundaries, she might be perceived as irrational.
The episode highlights Ramsey’s willingness to tackle not only financial issues but also the personal and emotional challenges his listeners face. His direct approach to Kathy’s situation reflects his belief in taking decisive action and protecting your self-worth in the face of difficult marital circumstances.
In cases of divorce, intertwining emotional and financial issues can be particularly challenging. Although Ramsey did not provide direct financial advice in this instance, it’s worth noting that for someone in Kathy’s situation, exploring alternative investment options like real estate investment trusts (REITs) could be a wise approach.
Unlike direct property ownership, which can become a contentious marital asset during divorce proceedings, REITs offer a simpler, more liquid form of investment. They allow for real estate market participation without direct management responsibilities and are easier to divide or liquidate if necessary.
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