Elon Musk Reveals He Struggles With 'Demons Of The Mind' And Questioned His Existence: 'Is It All Pointless? Why Exist?'

Renowned tech mogul and Tesla Inc. CEO Elon Musk opened up about his deep-seated personal struggles during a recent interview at the DealBook Summit 2023 with Aaron Ross Sorkin of The New York Times. Musk’s revelations offer a glimpse into the mental challenges he faced as a child and how they shaped his life and career.

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Facing An Existential Crisis At A Young Age

At age 12, Musk experienced what he describes as an “existential crisis,” leading him to contemplate the meaning of life and even suicide: “It is all pointless? Why not just commit suicide? Why exist?” 

Musk’s early readings, which delved into religious texts and German philosophy, played a significant role in shaping his thought process during his youth, potentially contributing to feelings of depression. These intellectual explorations, while enriching, may have also spurred deeper existential inquiries and challenges for him at that time.

A shift occurred when Musk read “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy” by Douglas Adams. The book reshaped his outlook, steering him to a realization that life’s purpose isn’t a black-and-white answer but an exploration of profound questions. “My motivation then was, well, my life is really finite … but if we can expand the scope and scale of consciousness then we are better able to figure out what questions to ask about the answer that is the universe and maybe we can find out what is the meaning of life,” he said.

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The Creative Storm Within

Musk explained his mind is often engulfed in a “very wild storm” of relentless ideas, a constant surge of creativity and thought. He said these inherent traits were exacerbated by a challenging childhood marked by intense bullying, which shaped his mental landscape.

His mother, Maye Musk, has also spoken about the difficult family dynamics during her son's upbringing, highlighting the alleged abuse by his father, Errol Musk. This tumultuous background profoundly influenced Musk’s early life, as shared by Maye during the promotion of her book “A Woman Makes a Plan.”

Channeling The Inner Chaos

Musk exhibited exceptional intellectual capabilities from a young age. He read the entire Encyclopaedia Britannica by age 9 and taught himself programming in just three days, eventually selling a video game he created when he was 12​.

Despite facing significant personal challenges, Musk has harnessed his mental “demons” to fuel his extraordinary achievements. “These demons of the mind are, for the most part, harnessed to productive ends,” he said, acknowledging his significant contributions to technology and entrepreneurship. “Once in a while, they, you know, go wrong.”

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