Shark Advocates Insist Calling Flesh-Chomping Encounters 'Interactions' And Not 'Attacks'

In the event that you're swimming in the ocean and a shark bites you where and when you least expect a toothy intrusion, Australian shark advocates are requesting that you consider the situation to be an “interaction” rather than an attack.

"Oh, The Shark Has Pretty Teeth, Dear...": According to a Sydney Morning Herald report, authorities in the Australian states of Queensland and New South Wales are trying to reconfigure how people describe what occurs when sharks try to turn swimmers into sushi. Rather than use terms like “attack,” these experts say, try using terms like “negative encounter,” “incident” or just a simple “bite.”

Leonardo Guida, a shark researcher at the Australian Marine Conservation Society, stated this new terminology is required “because it helps dispel inherent assumptions that sharks are ravenous, mindless man-eating monsters.”

Nathan Hart, an associate professor at Macquarie University, added that it's only natural for sharks to run their jaws over a swimmer.

“Sharks don’t have hands so, if they want to explore something, they mouth it,” Hart said. “Very rarely are humans consumed by sharks.”

"We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Boat": Perhaps not coincidentally, the new plea for happy shark talk coincides with the annual “Shark Week” programming bonanza offered by Discovery Communications DISCA.

To date, the “Shark Week” highlights have included 90-year-old William Shatner swimming with non-man-eating tiger sharks and Sean "Poopies" McInerney receiving artery and tendon damage after getting bitten by an unamused Caribbean reef shark on an episode called "Jackass Shark Week."

Discovery has been broadcasting “Shark Week” programming since 1988 – and, obviously, it has yet to... jump the shark.

Photo: Misterjaw, via Cartoon Database.