My Parents Took Money From Me And They Keep Trying To Take' – Suze Orman Tells Listener That Her Parents Did A 'Pretty Good Job'

In a recent Women & Money podcast episode, Suze Orman addressed a deeply personal and challenging question from a listener named Cecilia. The topic: financial responsibilities between parents and children, particularly when parents have a history of financial irresponsibility. 

Cecilia's heartfelt email described a lifetime of dealing with her parents' poor financial decisions and their ongoing requests for money, leaving her torn between guilt and resentment.

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Cecilia explained that her parents were financially irresponsible throughout her childhood, even taking money from her savings. Decades later, the pattern persists – her parents continue to ask for financial help, judging her for having “more” than they do. Despite her attempts to guide them toward better financial habits, her efforts have been in vain. She feels trapped. 

"If I don’t give, I can feel guilty and if I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and like I’m perpetuating an endless cycle," Cecilia wrote. With her parents nearing retirement without a sufficient financial cushion, Cecilia asked Orman if she had an obligation to support them.

Orman tackled Cecilia's question head-on, emphasizing that parents have a fundamental responsibility to care for and financially support their children, not the other way around. She pointed out that Cecilia's parents' actions, while hurtful, inadvertently taught her financial responsibility by showing her what not to do.

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"It seems like they did a pretty good job with you," Orman stated. "Because you saw by their behavior how you did not want to do that." She suggested that Cecilia's childhood experiences might have driven her to become the financially successful woman she is today. Orman also referenced her book The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom and explained how early money memories, like parents taking a child's savings, often have lasting impressions on how individuals handle money in adulthood.

Orman and her wife, KT, agreed that a child is not obligated to provide financial support to irresponsible parents. KT offered her perspective, contrasting Cecilia's situation with her upbringing. She shared how her parents' financial responsibility made helping them later in life a joy, not a burden. "We never felt that we were responsible because they never put us in that position," KT explained.

For Cecilia, Orman stressed the need to establish firm boundaries. "You have got to take care of yourself first," she said, urging Cecilia to recognize that giving money to her parents in their current state is not helping them – it's perpetuating their dependence.

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Orman offered Cecilia and others in similar situations some actionable advice:

1. Communicate Clearly: Sit down with her parents and lovingly but firmly explain that the "Bank of Cecilia" is closed. While she might provide essentials like food, financial handouts will no longer be an option.
2. Focus on Tough Love: Allowing her parents to face the consequences of their financial choices might be the only way to prompt change. Orman noted that financial transformation often occurs only after hitting rock bottom.
3. Reframe the Guilt: Orman told Cecilia to remember that she prioritizes her well-being by refusing to enable her parents' behavior – a critical step in maintaining her self-respect and financial health.

Orman's advice to Cecilia serves as a powerful reminder that financial obligations within families are complex but must be rooted in mutual respect and responsibility. For children in similar situations, setting boundaries isn't an act of selfishness – it's a step toward fostering healthier relationships and protecting personal financial stability.

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