Ashton Kutcher Signs On With Two And A Half Men (CBS, TWX)

CBS CBS and Warner Bros TWX have confirmed that baby-faced cretin star of a dozen generic Hollywood snooze-fests Ashton Kutcher has, rather appropriately, joined the cast of “Two and a Half Men”, replacing notorious half-brain Charlie Sheen. The man-child who built his career playing pranks on fellow faceless types like Justin Timberlake and Pink, said, “I can't wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers' homes,” clearly misunderstanding the meaning of the term “ridiculously talented”. It's an understandable decision. Kutcher will fit in very well at a show built on puerile humor and a series of one-liners that rarely hit home. He also said that, “I can't replace Charlie Sheen but I'm going to work my ass off to entertain the hell out of people,” which might mean that Kutcher is all set to go off the rails with a gaggle of hookers, insult Detroit and claim that he's full of tiger blood. The result of this move will undoubtedly be that a dull show will remain dull and a rich celebrity will get richer. Great job.