10 Weirdest Christmas Songs Of All Time

Yes, it’s that time of the year when the Christmas season music playlist takes over radio stations and shopping mall sound systems. And, once again, it seems like the same old tunes get played over and over and over again – to the point when one feels like screaming “All I want for Christmas is not hearing that damn Mariah Carey song anymore!”

However, there are plenty of lesser-known Christmas songs that never receive the same level of attention as the usual line-up of ditties celebrating holly-decked halls and sleigh bells in the snow. For those who savor something different and off-kilter for the holidays, here are 10 of the weirdest Christmas songs to help invigorate the season.

“Crabs for Christmas” by David DeBoy: No, this is not a song about contracting scabies in December. Baltimore-based entertainer DeBoy penned this vaudeville-style ditty about a Marylander who makes his case to a department store Santa for a Yuletide deliver of his favorite seafood. A staple of Chesapeake Bay-area radio, this fun tune deserves to be heard beyond its home region.

“Go Tell It On the Mountain” by Henrietta and Myrna: This highly unlikely duo is either offering Andy Kaufman-style intense performance art or they are just the worst vocalists in the history of recorded music. No Christmas is complete without this anti-classic moment from an unidentified public access television show.

“I'm Walking Backwards for Christmas” by The Goon Show: BBC Radio’s 1950s-era comedy series laid the foundation for British surrealist humor, which is on full display in this unlikely tale of a man walking across the Irish Sea backwards in order to get home for the holidays. The song is primarily the work of Spike Milligan, with his “Goon Show” co-star Peter Sellers making the briefest of appearances and their colleague Harry Secombe absent from the recording.

“Jingle Bells Drag” by The Three Stooges: The slapstick trio steamroll “Jingle Bells” with new lyrics about acquiring an old sleigh from a garbage dump and an even older horse to pull it for them. When the ancient equine proves unreliable, it’s up to Curly-Joe DeRita to pull the sleigh and his face-slapping friends.

“Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas” by John Denver: One of Denver’s rare misfires was the strange tune about a child pleading with his father not to overindulge in the booze, turn violent and then pass out under the Christmas tree again. The song’s potential power is diluted with a strangely jaunty arrangement that seems out of place with the harsh lyrics.

“Rusty Chevrolet” by Da Yoopers: Michigan’s contribution to weird Christmas music is this “Jingle Bells” parody about a disastrous winter road trip in a collapsing automobile.

“Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year” by Tiny Tim: This was a late recording from Tiny Tim, the flash-in-the-pan pop singer who amused audiences in the late 1960s with his falsetto-crooning “Tiptoe Through the Tulips.” Made at the start of the AIDS pandemic, when few people were aware of the chaos being created by the disease, this is now considered among the most notoriously bad-taste Christmas songs of all time.

“St. Stephen's Day Murders” by The Chieftains featuring Elvis Costello: Premeditated murder rarely turns up in Christmas songs, and this morbidly humorous offering imagines the fatal disposing of annoying family members during the Dec. 26 celebration of St. Stephen’s Day.

“12 Yats of Christmas” by Benny Grunch and the Bunch: New Orleans residents will appreciate this regional tune that pokes happy fun at the Crescent City’s distinctive dialect.

“You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Mark Pires: This Connecticut singer-comic has put on a live, unscripted YouTube show every day since New Year’s Eve 2018, and he often performs original, stream-of-consciousness songs that he improvises on camera. This tune, which is part of his new Christmas album, takes the classic Dr. Seuss singalong and reimagines it as a visceral blues composition – the Grinch may be mean, but Pires also makes him cool.

(Editor’s Note: Benzinga’s 10 Weirdest series will not be published over the next two Saturdays, Dec. 25 or Jan. 1, but will return on Jan. 8. Here’s wishing you a holiday season full of merry weirdness.)

Photo: Matty Flicks / PXHere