Why A $450k Software Engineer Might Ask You To Venmo $3.62, But A $20/Hour Barista Won't — Experts Say Rich People Struggle With Generosity

Money. It’s a topic that sparks countless conversations, emotions, and even conflicts. It weaves its way through our relationships, influencing our behaviors and perceptions. A recent viral tweet highlighted this complex dynamic, showcasing how financial differences can shape friend interactions.

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A tweet by Roshan Patel has gone viral, igniting a widespread debate about financial habits and friendships. The tweet, which contrasts the behaviors of two friends with vastly different incomes, now has over 11.4 million views on X.

Patel's tweet reads: "Friend making $20/hr as a barista: ‘No worries bro, I'll cover this one and you'll get the next one!'

Friend making $450k as a software engineer: ‘Can you Venmo me $3.62 for your share of the Uber ride?'"

The post quickly resonated with many users, who shared their thoughts and experiences in the comments. One user remarked, "Money just magnifies what people already are. Just pay attention and find the right friends."

Another user added, "Generosity is a survival strategy when resources are limited."

A more humorous take was, "Friend who doesn't have to pay back student loans: Yay, Thanks Joe Biden. Me (the guy that paid college tuition in full for my wife, myself, and my 4 adult children): wait, what?"

Not all comments were supportive of the software engineer's frugality. One person stated, "ngl cheap ppl are the worst," while another simply said, "So real."

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Others defended the software engineer, writing: "Says the guy that expects his friend to cover his Uber rides… Then blasts his ‘friend' on social media when he asks him to pay half."

Susan Bradley, founder of the Sudden Money Institute, which helps individuals manage large, unexpected sums of money, provided her perspective on the situation. She explained that wealthier individuals often struggle with generosity due to a fear of being taken advantage of or feeling that their wealth is the only reason people associate with them.

According to her, the rich friend, being the cheapest or stingiest, tends to hold back. Bradley says, "People with more money than their peers struggle with generosity." She elaborates that individuals with substantially higher incomes often feel isolated or "othered," which makes them believe their money is the primary reason they have friends. This insecurity can lead to behaviors like requesting small amounts via Venmo to avoid feeling exploited.

"They don't want to be taken advantage of or to feel like, ‘I have money and that's why people hang out with me,'" Bradley explains. 

Dacher Keltner, a professor at UC Berkeley, provides another layer of understanding. His research indicates that wealthier individuals may exhibit less compassion because they are less exposed to the struggles and sufferings of those with fewer resources. He explains, "When you lack institutional support, the only way to survive is to connect with other people. Wealthier people, who face fewer threats, may not develop the same level of empathy."

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Whether you’re the $20/hour barista or the $450k software engineer, it’s crucial to approach financial matters in friendships with sensitivity and open communication.

For Those with Higher Incomes:

• Reflect on your financial habits and how they might impact your relationships
• Consider the perspective of friends with different income levels
• Practice generosity when appropriate, but set healthy boundaries

For Those with Lower Incomes:

• Don’t feel pressured to match the spending habits of wealthier friends
• Communicate openly about your financial limitations
• Suggest budget-friendly activities for group outings

For Everyone:

• Focus on building relationships based on shared values and experiences, not financial status
• Be transparent about expectations when it comes to sharing costs
• Consider consulting a financial advisor to help manage your finances and align your spending with your values.

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