'Do I Have To Support My Financially Irresponsible 75-Year-Old Mother?' – Suze Orman's Take On Prioritizing Retirement Vs. Parental Aid

Suze Orman, the podcast host and bestselling author known for offering advice to listeners on how best to handle their money and personal lives, recently responded to a reader who was unsure whether they're obligated to support their elderly mother, who has been quite reckless with her finances. The post "Must I Support My Irresponsible Mother?" was featured on Oprah.com. 

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Despite working a minimum wage job and renting a modest apartment, the mother had depleted her $16,000 IRA savings. She remained secretive about her financial plans, including life insurance and a will. The reader, who has been diligently saving for retirement, resents the expectation to support their mother financially.

The reader writes: "I resent supporting someone who has been so careless with her money while I’ve been working for 28 years to put away a small pension. What should I do?"

Orman acknowledges the reader’s resentment but suggests that it may be misplaced. She emphasizes that the reader has chosen to prioritize their mother’s needs over their own, which ultimately does not benefit either one of them. 

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She introduced the concept of “harmony,” where one’s actions align with their inner feelings, and encourages the reader to communicate their true feelings to their mother via a letter. In this letter, the reader should clarify that they are willing to offer emotional support rather than financial assistance. She suggests that this approach may help the mother understand the impact of her actions and encourage her to take control of her financial situation.

To help with the mother's financial struggles, Orman recommends seeking help from the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (NFCC). This organization provides free or low-cost services to help individuals manage their finances and can offer valuable guidance to the mother.

Orman stresses the importance of the reader taking care of themselves. She warns that the mother might not change her ways, so she urges the reader to be prepared. Orman explains, “Please don’t waver; it’s critical that you take care of yourself. Withholding generosity isn’t going to be easy, but it’s the right thing to do.”

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Although you may commonly hear about parents supporting their adult children, it goes both ways. 

A 2022 study by the Pew Research Center found that 12% of parents with adult children reported living in the same household as one of their adult children. This arrangement was more common among parents aged 65 and older (19%) than younger parents (9%).

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 3.5 million parents lived in their adult children’s homes in 2020, a number that has steadily increased over the past decade.

The 2023 New York Life survey indicates a significant generational shift in caregiving roles. Millennials now represent 66% of self-reported caregivers, up from 39% in 2020, while Gen Xers have decreased to 23% from 40%. This change reflects a broader trend where the Sandwich Generation, caring for children and aging relatives, is increasingly comprised of younger caregivers.

As caregiving responsibilities shift to younger generations, parents and adult children may want to discuss long-term financial strategies openly. Whether to fund retirement or help a parent in need is often an unfair choice for any child. 

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